Pulled back by gravity

I was getting there until one day i find myself breaking down. All the while i thought i was strong enough to go through this because im surrounded by people who would protect me and would be there for me. But in moments i feel alone why is it that the strong me transformed into a weak one?
Perhaps the bad side of investigating pulled me down and here i am like a poor little baby overthinking, crying and needs hugs in order to calm down but i just cant coz everybody else's gone and my pillows here doesn't hug back. Maybe what my friend's been telling me is happening now, that one day i have to go through loneliness, pain and sorrow and to think about everything that happened. But there's one thing that keeps me positive after all it is their assurance that once i pass through this stage sooner or later there will be a better me.
My thoughts? Its just now that reality crushed and broke my heart into pieces, realizing its all dead and gone, that it all over now. I just saw one thing that would prove to me that i should move forward already and dont let myself get stuck on daydreams and waiting. This is the only time i cried seriously about this because i thought i was strong enough, but why does that strong persona have to disappear especially at this very moment?
Why do we have to go through a painful healing process and learn through hurting? I just cant accept this irony, being sad is like stuck in the middle of hell.
I need people now to pull these strings away from feelings, at this point all i ever want is to be numb and live like i dont give a damn. Its so hard that youve already seen yourself moving forward till one day gravity pulls you down again and forces makes you step backward. Ive been afraid for that one thing for months and now its happening? the sad thing is i dont have any idea how to handle it and get through it. I am not good at this, will the tears save me? Will loneliness heal me? Because thats what my friends told me that i have to experiece how to learn the hard way. And with that maybe i should give in.
Looking back, staring. I can see happiness... Maybe its the only reason i could be holding on in order for me to move on. But wait i cant promise you it will be easy, coz i know its going to be hard and rough that ill go through hell everyday before i reach heaven. This is going to be a journey, of me finding my way back to the good life and eradicating the bad feelingsand thoughts i have in my soul and my whole being.