Monday, February 18, 2013

Tales from a Broken Heart: Behind the Bitterness

They say you will never see what you have until its gone... And so i went away hoping that i will be chased, that you will run in circles just to have me... But then it never happened.

I took the courage to drop everything so that youll realize my worth but it did not turn out that way. Instead you allowed me to go farther and you never ever took me back, then i realized its true when you said if you want me then youll get me in any way possible; i thought youd do that but i was wrong.

Or maybe you must have atleast tried, and all i did was to push you away. But did you ever realized that maybe i just want you to exert more effort, that i was dying to see your sincerity, and see your consistencies for once in your life. Well i cant blame you if you grew tired of pushing this to the limits, i knew how i acted and how i showed you well never ever be getting back together... And just like that; you gave up and stopped.

If i hated you, i wouldnt send random messages every time i start missing you, i will never fight all night with you, if i wanted to be away i would not continuously reply to your sms, i would never allow myself to go out with you. If i wanted everything to be over, i will never go back to December with you, id never talk to you that Saturday night and sleep in your arms. If i dont want you, i will not ask what about us, id never seek for answers. If it was nothing, id never waste my time thinking about everything. If it wasnt real, i wont be crying, i wouldnt be writing and i would stop asking questions, asking why and wondering about the what ifs and what could have beens.

But majority of my actions screams i hate you an i dont deny that. The worst thing about my actions and my feelings is that a part of me wants you and a part of me hated you... It was like i love and hate you at the very same time. I was overthinking, i was confused, i was weak. My thoughts and my feelings were battling, im indecisive and im bipolar... Thats why you left, thats why you took the courage to go away.

But truth is, in the middle of my intense bitterness to you... I was waiting, i was expecting, i was hoping... If only you got to find the right words, the perfect timing, the right moves... I could have came back. If only you tried your best and put a little more effort to eradicate the dark past. If only you were consistent. If only you were not after only of my physical presence. If only you helped me out. If only you worked harder. If only you proved the world that were worth one more try... If only you were there all along, i could have stayed.

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